And as the sun rises

You know, God gives.
Most of the time, we don't really notice.
We take a lot of things for granted.

You know, God takes away.
Most of the time, we do notice.
And we never really know what we have till it's gone.

But God, you've taught me how to keep my head up.
You've planned my life out. Everything that happens contributes to a higher goal.
And in all honesty,....
All I have to do is have faith in you.

Jeremiah 29:11
"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Thank you.

And as the fight rages on

Man, fighting a never-ending battle is hard.
Sometimes, you get the upper hand, and things start to look up.
Then, you trip and everything seems to go bad again.

But...the important thing is, I'm still in the fight.
I haven't lost, and I won't lose. Not yet.

My enemy is stronger than I am
His weapons know where their mark is

I must rely on my back-up
My ally is much stronger than both of us.
He walks in with blinding light, like a wave, washing over stained earth.
I'm still awaiting this return.

But to me...
The most important thing to me is....

I'm fighting this fight for you.

I don't care if I'll lose this fight. I'll go down fighting.

There's been so much going on.
So much good.
Not the mention the bad.

We argue, and it hurts.
It brings us both down.
It's such a terrible fight.

You hate me now.
You tell me to leave.
"I will NEVER forgive you for that," you said to me.
"It's your call, but know that if you do, I will never be here again."

Those words did not pierce my heart.
Instead, they took hold and slowly squeezed the life out of it.

Satan, I hope you're reading this.
Because I want to tell you, You haven't won yet.
This battle ain't yours. I'm not gonna let you win her over.
I've got God on my side. So do your worst.
You can't beat the power of God's love and grace.
Love NEVER fails.

As long as I am here, I will not stop fighting for us.
I won't stop praying for you.
I won't stop trying.
I just, simply won't.

"Love your neighbor as yourself. ALL of them".
You will always be my neighbor, my friend and one of my greatest gifts from God.
I plan on doing just that; Love.
Even to the end of my life.

That's it. The End

To anyone who cares
To anyone who decides that reading this is worth their time

I am starting to hate myself
I can't stand the fact that I hurt the people I care about
All the time, I say that I won't
I say that I'll try not to
I say too much

But I don't show enough
My words are cheap
My actions, unfulfilled

And it kills me on the inside
to see me blindly hurt you
to see me throw insults at you
and all the while, I can't stop myself

It rips me apart from the inside
It tears out what I have left to feel

And one day, I know I'll lose you
I know I won't be able to apologize
I won't be able to stand next to you anymore

One day, I will have lost the battle.



God.....save me.....

After a long time....

To my best friend who've I've been rejecting for a long time,

I love you so much. I just want you to know.
I love you beyond what you can know.
Everything about you, everything you don't see fit.
I love you for everything you are.

I know I've been ignoring you as of late.
I've been rejecting your love
Rejecting your words
Rejecting you

And I'm so sorry
I need to come back to you
I need to realize how much I'm hurting you

And all I can say to you is that....I'm sorry.
I love you.
So much.

Let's go back to God together.
Grow more together.
To have more faith together.
To look ahead and trust God together.

I love you. <3

I know you want things to be as they used to be
Honestly, so do I.
So let's work towards it.
We'll be the best of friends again; you and I

There's so much I want you to know.
So much i want to reveal
If I had the time, I'd pour out my entire heart to you
You already carry a part of my heart with you.

I promise you, I'll never leave you again.
No matter where you or I end up, never again.
I'll keep the promise. I'm not gonna let myself break it.
Keep me accountable.

<3

Jeffrey Lo
Peace Love Respect

New realizations

1) My heart's turned cold
2) I'm very protective of my family and friends
3) If you wanna hate me, go ahead. I'm not gonna stop you.

A new day

Hey

What's up? How was your day?
Mine was alright. Went to Pmall with a friend....for 4 HRS. That went way too long. I actually cannot count the things we did to make up the 4 hours. Weird eh? Well, that's me. =)

Church today was alright. Generation Worship is AWESOME. My friend was in the skit and it was HILARIOUS. He made it so funny, it was awesome to watch. AND! We learned that we can pray ANYWHERE, ANYTIME and about ANYTHING! Yeah, I already knew that but it never hurt to have a reminder ever now and then.

I also broke down in a room at church. Alone. During Sunday School, I left, found an empty room and just opened up to God. There were so many things I couldn't find words for, so many things I wanted to just blast out to God because I was holding it in for too long. And for the longest time, I felt tears come to my eyes. All my questions I had about what was going on just spilled out and ... it felt good to release it all. God now has control of everything and I'm beyond glad that it's no longer in my hands, but in the hands of a holy, perfect being. My heart is comforted.

Jeffrey Lo
Peace Love Respect

Realization

Today, I realized a great thing.

I was at church today till about 4 and I was spending time with my friend, cleaning up our pastor's messy room, playing a... scale on piano.....yeah, very different things.

But I realized that this friend ... is the greatest person God's ever given to me.
This friend is a completely beautiful creation, with so many gifts, I can't even finish naming.
This friend's one of my best ones.

At the same time, I didn't realize this until I momentarily lost her.
A few days back, I said some things I shouldn't have.
"In your anger, do not sin". Well, I did and I felt like I back-stabbed her.
And for the few days that we didn't talk, I felt my heart break more and more.

But she continually amazes me.
When I apologized, I thought she would completely reject it.
"Shut up and go away. I don't wanna talk to you" is what I expected.
But no. She accepted my apology and life went on.
She's growing so much and so fast, it makes me smile.

And if you're reading this, I just wanna let you know I'm praying for you.
Life's not perfect, we're not perfect but God is. And He's in control of us.
If you're struggling with something, I'm always open for a talk.
If you're not struggling with anything, I'm still open for a talk.

A small part of my heart will always be yours. Please take care of it.
...=)


Jeffrey Lo
Peace Love Respect

Where did it all go?

---- Input God's love here ----

Shock, Confused...but it's all understood why

Hey.

Today must have been the most craziest day of this year. And all for the worst reasons. Let's talk, shall we?

1) Worship practice today was TERRIBLE. I am seriously evaluating myself if I'm ready to be the co-leader of the worship team. It's not like....it's their fault or something. It's probably mine, because I expect too much of them. I have high expectations of the team, cuz I know that they have potential to do extremely well. But I know, and I can see, that the will to be fully prepared, ready to practice, be on time, and not goof off and waste time , is NOT there. Maybe their heart is really there and all...but I can't seem to see it. And that really gets to me, cuz I wanted the worship today to go smoothly. Instead, the bass player and I got into a 6 second argument and he stormed off. And when that happens, I lose the drive to keep going and worship with my heart fully there....Wait, was it ever fully there? I don't know.

2) My Accountability partner was sent to the hospital. Yeah, you heard me right. A 1/2 second accident resulted in a lot of blood, tears, and a lot of praying. C.C's head "accidentally" hit the side of a door, where the two walls come together and kinda stick out a bit, so he got a 4 cm cut. AND THIS WAS RIGHT AFTER DRIVEN!!!!!! His head began bleeding and we had to rush everybody away. 1st aid was admitted immediately, his head was wrapped up, paramedics arrived and C.C left for the hospital.
But that's only the beginning. Everybody's heart broke. I fought back tears after the incident, cuz I know Chris didn't deserve this. It wasn't his fault in any of this; he was INNOCENT. All we could was pray, pray for healing, pray for comfort. Some people did cry, sitting there with red, tear-drawn eyes and that's all we could have done. We helped him all we could, and that was it. We were basically...useless. All we could was watch and hope nothing worse would come along. Prayers could be hear in every direction. So many distressed calls to God. Out hearts....have faced a heavy incident. We have to make sure it doesn't happen again.

Back to the history books

I wrote a poem in class and I really like it, so I'm gonna post it up. enjoy!

Poem on a Pink T-Shirt

Restricted into a total constitution
Imprisoned, bullied, jailed
Darkness surrounds, closes in
A gnashing of teeth
Limited to restraints
Fighting to stay conscious
Blond hair, blue eyes that continually look down on us
keeping us down
discriminating, hating, blind.

In the distance, a waving flag
Stripes and stars, proudly flying
Salvation taken form in armoured, aggressive machines
They begin the flee, the aggressors
Evil retreating back to its hole.
The eagles have arrived
And they are as merciless as the evil ones
Not a fight but a massacre
A bright light fighting its way into dying darkness
The eagles have arrived
And they willingly challenge death and destruction
Their claws as powerful as their wings
The eagles have arrived
We are finally free.

Jeffrey Lo
Peace Love Respect

Back to the roadblock

Hey guys.

I guess....I always had this problem.
I was talking to a few friends a few minutes ago....and I found out my ex has a new relationship now. Normally, I should be happy for her. I am happy for her. But..there's a part of me that doesn't want to do that.
This other part of me feels like this:

I kinda...weak, emotionally
cuz it brings me back to memories i don't wanna re-live
you know all about my messed up relationship with Tina, right?
I can't believe it still kinda affects me now
basically....
When I see/find out Tina's in a relationship again, my heart stops and drops down a little.
cuz it reminds me of my failure. It reminds me that I wasn't good enough.
Really, I can't believe i feel like this. I told myself I wouldn't

- Sigh - I guess that what happens when you break up for the first time. It just holds onto you and you feel hurt every time something changes.
But at the same time, I had a friend to pull me through. Thanks, Vani. Maybe you feel like you didn't do much, but just listening to me and providing the smallest advice has already made the difference to see this situation in a different viewpoint.

...yeah, just a short snapshot of my life.

Jeffrey Lo
Peace Love Respect

Long time no blog

Hey y'all

I haven't blogged in forever, and my friend is pressing me to blog....so yeah, I'm blogging now.

I dunno. The past few times have been rough. Not really rough, but more like confusing and a drag. I've been drifting from God quite a bit, mostly from too much work and lack of sleep. Which is a terrible reason, but still. I gotta go fix it back up and ask for forgiveness.

Also, I really REALLY dislike it when my emotions act up. Like...I really don't like it. It always happens, all at the wrong times. I can never seem to keep it under control. Sometimes, I can, but not when I want them to just calm down and shut up. It always ruins things, especially who are close to me. I could use some prayer for that. ='(

This is a little more big. I wanna join the army reserve. Yes, you heard me right. The Army reserve. Although my parents aren't exactly encouraging about it, I don't know if that's where God wants me to go. I would like to join for the skills you learn and the opportunities, but my friends and family aren't exactly...."Go for it!" kinda attitude. I am completely confused on this part, so a lot of prayer would be much appreciated. =D

And...yeah. My life is as normal. Ups and downs all the time. I find myself looking back a lot. Especially at my past relationship with my ex. I don't know why I do it though. I guess, I just look back at what could have been, but was not to be. Don't get me wrong, I still see her as an awesome, beautiful person. Sometimes, I wish we didn't break up. Sometimes, I wanna put my arms around her and tell her everything's gonna be alright. Sometimes....I wish I could change what ruined the relationship. Sometimes....I want to be hers again.

Yeah.....kinda vague on my part, but that's basically what's going on with me. Thanks for spending the time to read.

Jeffrey Lo
Peace Love Respect